| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 05:31:03 PM PST |
ok, so there was this girl, we'll call her........shaniqua. shaniqua is pretty hot, definetly girlfriend matieral. i decided one day i will try to get her as my girlfriend cause she was calling me on a regular basis and i saw her every weekend and she was cool. a month ago, i invited shaniqua to my works' annual party. its a pretty classy event, so i thought she would think its cool, cause i was sure she doesnt really attend these kind of things regularly, nor do i. the night of the party, shaniqua became the girl of my dreams. she shows up in this dress and looks damn fine. right before we leave we each took a beer bong, it was so cool seeing her do a beer bong wearing a dress, with her hair all done up and etc (as you can tell, im not very hard to impress ). so the nite goes on and i actually have a good time at the party, which i didnt really think was possible. well, after the party we go to my house. when we get home we do matching beer bongs and then we got the idea that i should do handstand beer bongs. haha, so i had this girl trying to help me do an handstand beer bong. it didnt work too well cause you really need 3 people to do it, but at least we tried (i later that nite successfully completed my first handstand beer bong.). she stayed until like 5 a.m. hanging out with us. after that nite i thought she ruled. now fast forward to the very next weekend.........................................................
that next saturday my cousin rebecca got married. me and my cousin sloppy, took shaniqua and one her friends to the wedding dinner/dance us. when we pick them up, of course we stop at my house for a few drinks. we go to the wedding and basically drank from 6-12:30 non-stop. when we get back to my house we were all totally wasted cause we have been drinking for the last 6 hours. my roommate had some people over, unfortanetly all GUYS. what happens when you bring over 2 girls into a house full of guys is all the guys will stop whatever they are doing and start flirting with the ladies, trying to get on them. i see this happening and am like "damn, go get your own girls,fags" and other dergatory thoughts like that go through my head. me not being one to compete for attention, i go into my room and grab my acoustic guitar and jam for about 20 minutes. while i am jamming, i heard a lot of chaos, but didnt really bother to check it out. well, i am done jamming and i walk out of my room when i hear someone bang against my glass shower doors in the bathroom. when i hear this, i know its not a good sign. people do weird things in my bathroom's shower. one time i found my friend systemofadust (fellow bb'er) lying flat on his back in my bathtub/shower. the funny thing about that is he got up from a nice comfortable couch to go lay in my tub, hahahha. anyways, i hear someone bang against the glass sliding doors of my shower, so decide its my duty to check it out. i open the door and what do i see, but Shaniqua laying on my bathroom floor with her panties around her ankles. i immediately close the door and say to the guys "what the fuck did you guys do to shaniqua?!" they informed me that they made her do 6 beer bongs IN A ROW. i was just like you fuckin dumbasses, (not even one of them matched her, they just watched her do all 6 by herself). so i told shaniqua's friend she had to go help her. shaniqua's friend comes out of the bathroom a little later and doesnt say anything. i go in there and shaniqua is still laying there with her panties at her ankles. im like what the fuck?! i told her friend to pull up her underwear, but i guess she didnt. so, i decide that someone has to pull up this chicks panties, before there are like 8 dudes just gawking at her. so i pull up her underwear. while im in the bathroom with her she starts puking. it wasnt real puke but a lot of clear drool. she was doing this with her head to the ground, so she was laying face first in her own puke/drool. my socks and pants just got soaked in her puke/drool. i held her hair up and stuff until she was done puking and moved her away from her puke. i was going to let her sleep in my room, but i had to make sure she was done puking, so i let her sit in there for 20 minutes. 20 minutes pass and she was passed out in the bathroom. so i try waking her up, but she cant talk, all she can do is mumble. she couldnt walk, so i had to actually drag her. that part was funny cause in the meantime, my neighbor from upstairs came down and was talking to us and he had no idea this girl was in the bathroom. out of nowhere i drag this half naked girl out of the bathroom and he just started laughing, he owns his own tattoo parlor and was like YOU need a tattoo. anyway, i drag her into my rooom, and give her a pillow and a blanket and let her sleep on the floor. all the guys were then like hey so how does her pussy look, does she have a nice snatch?? im like shut up fags, it doesnt even count, im just trying to help out a fellow human.
every once in a while i would go in my room and make sure shes alright and not dying or anything, and every time i would go in there, her panties would be off! im like what the hell are you doing? so, i ended up pulling up her underwear like 3 or 4 times that nite. one time i heard a crash in my room and i found her sitting next to my snowboard and cds. im like "shaniqua, you should go to sleep", she mumbles something and goes and sits on the floor leaning her back against my closet door. im standing in my room trying to talk to her when all of a sudden i can hear her start peeing on my carpet. i was just thinking what the fuck?! i knew there is nothing you can really do to stop a girl from peeing on your flooor, so i just let her go crazy. the rest of nite i was just disgusted and pretty grumpy. i didnt tell anyone about her peeing on my floor cause i didnt want her to look like a total ass from that nite. the pee on my floor really pissed me off cause the next day i would keep forgetting about it and stepped in it twice and am like goddam this is sick! so after the second time of stepping in it i finally attempted to clean it. ssssoooooooo later on that nite she got up enough energy to go talk to her friend. i go to bed cause its like 5:30 a.m.. i wake up the next morning to find shaniqua and my cousin sleeping on the floor together, cuddled up together sharing a blanket. my cousin later confirmed my fears: he said he woke up in the morning with his hands down her underwear, up inside her. from that moment i knew she was ruined. see, my cousin has the nickname sloppy for reasons. he will fuck anything in his path and that is why he has white spots on his dick now.
shaniqua has no memory of that nite. she doesnt remember laying on the bathroom floor with her underwear down and she doesnt remember peeing on my floor, which i never even told her about. she was just like i didnt make too much of an ass out of myself that nite, did i?? all i could do was burst out laughing and am like uhh, nah, dont worry about it. obviously, no longer is this girl the object of my affection and that my friends, if you read this entire thing, you will understand why i am a little disgruntled at the female species these days. |
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| Posted by: crotchycrackers |
Topics started: 57 |
Replies posted: 469 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 05:41:32 PM PST |
that's so good of you to take care of her though
thank goodness you were at your HOUSE though and not at a bar when she lost it
so are you disgusted by how drunk she got?
or that she might be diseased now
think of how embarrassed she is now |
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| Posted by: SayRuh |
Topics started: 76 |
Replies posted: 1433 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 05:43:04 PM PST |
i've had to take care of drunk people before
it's not fun but you can only think of what would happen if you didn't ya dig
especially with chicks |
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| Posted by: SayRuh |
Topics started: 76 |
Replies posted: 1433 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 05:43:54 PM PST |
| i did it to a buddy of mine, man it was funny too |
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| Posted by: Signature |
Topics started: 299 |
Replies posted: 6885 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 05:44:36 PM PST |
im disgusted at how messed up she got, that i had to be her mom that night. i am also disgusted that she might be diseased now.
yeah she is pretty farkin embarrassed about it. shes afraid to come over and see anyone from that nite. |
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| Posted by: crotchycrackers |
Topics started: 57 |
Replies posted: 469 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 05:47:13 PM PST |
ugh that sucks
yeah it kinda sounds like she's a show-offy drunk
not a chill drinker |
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| Posted by: SayRuh |
Topics started: 76 |
Replies posted: 1433 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 05:49:57 PM PST |
| yea sarruh we ain't all too cool to go to keggers like you with preps |
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| Posted by: Signature |
Topics started: 299 |
Replies posted: 6885 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 05:51:59 PM PST |
i've had my sloppy nights though
well it was never THAT bad though
i sat on a dresser in my underwear just talking to people though
haha
it was kinda embarrassing but it wasn't so bad where i couldn't laugh about it too
it was just dumb but i was functioning to an extent
i've never had trouble finding a place to piss or anything though
well at senior prom i puked all over the front door but it was because the bathroom was occupied and they were trying to keep me from going outside
i was all pale and could barely talk because i was so naseuas
i'm allergic to red food coloring (red #40) and i had drank a few glasses of hurricane punch
it was pretty gross but my friends were cool about since they knew it was there fault for not letting me luke with dignity
they wouldn't even let me clean it up they said they'd handle it (ugh and cleaning up other people's yack is the nastiest thing ever)
funny thing is, some girl was outside puking in the bushes, minding her own busines and she had a crowd areound her in hysterics, yet my incident was mush worse and treated with more respect and absolutely no criticism |
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| Posted by: SayRuh |
Topics started: 76 |
Replies posted: 1433 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 05:54:21 PM PST |
what sig?
haha i'm not a power chugger or anything
i always get excited when i get buzzed off less drinks than usual
because i ALWAYS have to pee
liek after every beer
haha it's way cheaper when i'm having a lightweight night
i don't drink to get wasted anyway
i just love the taste of beer |
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| Posted by: SayRuh |
Topics started: 76 |
Replies posted: 1433 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 06:34:22 PM PST |
I have my share of drunken stories as well.
Like last week, this guy was carrying his bucket of puke around with him, when he decided to sit down on a couch. But he let himself drop, and he sat down so fast that the puke was ejected out of the bucket and spilled all over him. It was fucking disgusting to see him put his vomit filled hand in his hair after. He then proceded tp piss beside the toilet and then fall over in his piss...
That same night i was fighting with my friend and he rammed my head into a metal pole, which made me balck out and gave me a cuncussion... It didnt take me long to realize that being piss drunk and having a cuncussion leaves you like a fucking vegetable... falling over and tumbling down flight after flight of stairs... |
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| Posted by: Matt |
Topics started: 7 |
Replies posted: 65 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 08:24:25 PM PST |
you might be disgruntled with the female species there crotchy but i'm fucking impressed with you.
Shit faced guys love to take advantage of girls that don't know what the fuck is going on.
See that's why I swore off the drink since the first time I got drunk. NO GROWN WOMAN should loose the ability to get up to pee. Holy fuck i'd be so grossed out, I can't deal with puke.
I've had to handle drunk and high people that were completely gone. It sucks having to be like you said the "mom" for the night, but I guess it's the best thing to do in the end.
Good work crotch, very proud of you for what it's worth. |
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| Posted by: Surrender-to-K |
Topics started: 36 |
Replies posted: 1668 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 08:25:11 PM PST |
| then again, maybe her getting completely fucked up was in some way her attempt to impress you. Who knows. |
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| Posted by: Surrender-to-K |
Topics started: 36 |
Replies posted: 1668 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 08:27:59 PM PST |
| my hands smell like latex gloves. i hate wearing latex gloves. |
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| Posted by: Surrender-to-K |
Topics started: 36 |
Replies posted: 1668 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 08:38:46 PM PST |
| do they require that on the job? |
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| Posted by: Signature |
Topics started: 299 |
Replies posted: 6885 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 09:42:38 PM PST |
well, she did a horrible job at impressing me. i like mildly drunk girls, not sloppy ass wasted ones. hahhahah
no, i dont think she was trying to impress me though. she was just being a dumb beyotch. |
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| Posted by: crotchycrackers |
Topics started: 57 |
Replies posted: 469 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 09:47:29 PM PST |
well not everyone is thrilled about having their floor peed on but the fact that you took care of you impressed the hell out of me (if that even means a shred to you)
i'm sure byt the time you saw her on the bathroom floor you were already grossed out but at least it didn't prevent you from being the good guy |
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| Posted by: SayRuh |
Topics started: 76 |
Replies posted: 1433 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 10:01:32 PM PST |
That's what i'm saying SayRuh, intesively impressive.
I actually wore the latex gloves so I wouldn't get this thing like icy-hot for rubbing on sore muscles on my hands. My parents told me I can't wash my hands after applying the stuff, they won't say why, so my dad said i should wear gloves.
See his elbow is sore as fuck (i'm convinced it's broken like hairline fracture type shit) so i massaged it for him.
He's been working with a torn shoulder muscle for the past year w/o knowing it, he's getting it operated on soon. |
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| Posted by: Surrender-to-K |
Topics started: 36 |
Replies posted: 1668 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 10:01:51 PM PST |
| so yeah, way more info. than anybody wanted. |
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| Posted by: Surrender-to-K |
Topics started: 36 |
Replies posted: 1668 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 10:34:25 PM PST |
ok, what i'm about to tell you is really fucked up of me. i know it already, so there!
i was hanging out with my guy, trying to get a bit of attention but he was totally engrosed in some dumb television show. i asked him if i could put icy-hot on his dick and he said alright. so i did... |
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| Posted by: jain |
Topics started: 12 |
Replies posted: 599 |
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| Wednesday, February 19th 2003 @ 11:51:36 PM PST |
| i'm sorry about the whole hating chicks thing crotchy but that was totally cool what you did for that girl! |
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| Posted by: Jodie Sweetin |
Topics started: 57 |
Replies posted: 4707 |
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| Thursday, February 20th 2003 @ 10:17:28 AM PST |
| That story's pretty funny, there was only one occasion where I "blackedout" and didn't remember anything, I wish it happend more tho, It makes me cringe real bad remembering what a dumbass I'v been whilst drunk |
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| Posted by: The chimp |
Topics started: 28 |
Replies posted: 931 |
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| Thursday, February 20th 2003 @ 10:20:49 AM PST |
i actually think its kind of funny how you guys are so impressed by this. i just did what any other human should have done.
now, im impressed with YOU guys for actually being able to read that whole post. usually on this bored if a post is more than 3 sentences long everyone is like "bah, thats too long"...way to go guys! |
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| Posted by: crotchycrackers |
Topics started: 57 |
Replies posted: 469 |
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| Thursday, February 20th 2003 @ 10:21:32 AM PST |
| im not impressed anyone stable man in their right mind isnt gonna take advantage of a drunk puking girl, if you do you should be shot end of story. |
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| Posted by: Barry Hargrove |
Topics started: 15 |
Replies posted: 166 |
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| Thursday, February 20th 2003 @ 10:21:47 AM PST |
| any~ |
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| Posted by: Barry Hargrove |
Topics started: 15 |
Replies posted: 166 |
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| Thursday, February 20th 2003 @ 10:37:00 AM PST |
| word up, mr hargrove. |
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| Posted by: crotchycrackers |
Topics started: 57 |
Replies posted: 469 |
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| Thursday, February 20th 2003 @ 11:30:11 AM PST |
What humans should do and what they actually do are two completely diff. things, don't you watch the news, people do the complete opposite of what you did that night EVERYDAY!
Don't be so modest, take a bow. |
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| Posted by: Surrender-to-K |
Topics started: 26 |
Replies posted: 1241 |
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| Thursday, February 20th 2003 @ 12:06:09 PM PST |
| goddamn dude, that is sucha horrible story! your friends are assholes, typical stupid guys, but i'm proud of you for taking care of her. nice one ;) just remember, a few of the female species knows how to control their drinking. i am one of those few. |
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| Posted by: Ms Shit_McFuckass |
Topics started: 0 |
Replies posted: 12 |
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| Thursday, February 20th 2003 @ 12:06:52 PM PST |
| nobody cares, spread your legs slut |
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| Posted by: Barry Hargrove |
Topics started: 3 |
Replies posted: 53 |
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| Thursday, February 20th 2003 @ 12:07:45 PM PST |
| ooh flirtation, how cute. |
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| Posted by: Surrender-to-K |
Topics started: 26 |
Replies posted: 1246 |
