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Friday, February 7th 2003 @ 07:19:05 PM PST
This is a story I wrote on exploits based on my exploits with my friend Sonny. Basically, while we hung out today, I wrote everything down in a small book thing, so my current exploits went charted. Enjoy. Sonny said: "Put your seatbelt on." I said no, and told him to wait. He said: "Come on." He waved his cigarette at me and threatened to burn my hand. I said: "One second, while I finish this song." Then he told me about how his dad had previously burned his hand with a cigarette. I didn't want to hear the story, but I listened anyway. *puts seatbelt on* Then I regailed him with a glorifying account of the time my hand was burned by my father's cigarette in DisneyWorld. He was fascinated, captivated, and mostly enthralled. Then he began to tell me about the unfortunate time he got his penis caught in his zipper, and was forced to walk around the mall with a bloody penis. This story forged a courtesy smile on my face, perhaps maybe a pity laugh, nothing more. The next conversation, surprisingly, was about "Lazer Speaks." Specifically, it was on how much better "Saviour" did it than Lazer...and it was Lazer's OWN GAYASS POETRY. ONLY I: Crave Your Return Then we discussed the final version of "Razer Conversates" and how great "Savi" was going to do. Lazer cannot compayah. Then minutes later, running out of fuel for the story, I searched for inspiration. I told Sonny how much I would like an onlooker in the backseat to write down everything funny we say, an unbiased third party. We continued to discuss how some days, we are right on target with jokes, limericks, puns, riddles, Goofus & Gallant (which Sonny regrettedly had never heard of.) At this moment, we got a whiff of something awful. It smelled like either a Taco Bell bathroom or one of Sparky's horrid farts from beyond. We acknowledged the stench, but did nothing about it. We continued talk of comic genius on our behalf. Sonny did a rather gay laugh. (Myeeheheheeee) He even said it was gay himself. Up Ahead: "That guy on the side of the road...His head looks like an elephant...gray and fat." Then we made up a song. "That guy...onthesideoftheroad." We traded verses. I won without suggestion. Then I returned to thinking up verses. By this point, the convo had taken a turn towards the gay. Sonny had taken the journal book diary thing "Off the Record with Jen Switzer." I got it back. Then we had a short conversation about Bryant Gumbal and the name of his show. It was short-lived, but branched off into a discussion of the air force base, and what would happen if we sped past the checkpoint, and slammed on the brakes after 10 feet. One train of thought suggested we would be shot on sight with firearms. The other: passive threatening at gunpoint. Then, Sonny discussed how if he ever wanted to die, he'd go out with a bang by running down soldiers in his Nissan Sentra. He'd see exactly how far he could get. Once again, pity laugh. I then noticed we were heading towards Ocean Springs. Sonny wanted to see what it was like. I reminded him: "This is a great story." Next, a discussion on Dudley's voice commensed. He asked me: "How would you describe Dudley's voice if you could only use words?" I thought and thought. Only two words came to mind: baby and gurgly. We had a long in-depth discussion on Dudley's voice, and Sonny admitted he couldn't do it. Indeed he was correct in the assumption that it (the Dudley voice he did) was shit. "How would you describe Nell's voice?" queried the lad. I looked him in his questioning face, a mixture of anxiety and fear of his question being dunderheadish. "High-pitched," I assured him with a kind smile. He proceeded to tell me of his idea to use Dudley and Nell in a fantasy story. He told me Dudley and Nell were copyrighted material. "Yeah," I said. "By me!" Then, going over the bridge to Ocean Springs, we got on the subject of bridges. We talked about the different types of bridges of the Gulf Coast, and how the Louisiana bridges were scary. We had planned on going to the city council meeting that night on the reparation of bridges. However, as you'll read later in this novelette, those plans fell through. We arrived in Ocean Springs, and I paused the story, to re-read it. Sonny sang: "I'll bring you Tandy and flowers." Yeah, Tandy, like the computer The re-reading of this novelette resulted in mass criticism from Sonny. He compared my writing style to local autistic boy Kyle Rick. Berating me from his literary perch, his high horse, if you will, he told me a tale of tales about Michael D'Angelo's betrayel to the young and aforementioned Kyle Rick, also naïve. It was some story about Michael stealing Kyle's- (Author's Note: Sonny had no idea what the fuck he was talking about throughout the whole story) -Hyrule story and reading it out loud. I then listened to Sonny's explanation of the Michael Jackson documentary. He suggested giving the King of Pop one to three babies to fuck. When the babies reached adulthood, he can clone them to make more babies to fuck. He can go on and on and fuck all the clone babies. -STORY BREAK- "I'm tired of writing." WAIT WAIT WAIT: This isn't done. We talked about the future, and how 500 years from now, society will view us as babyfuckers, a world of babyfuckers led by Michael Jackson. Next, we both did impressions of TV show experts appearing on a futuristic TV show about baby fuckers. We did fantastic voices. I think I said something to the effect of: "Babies in fucking goo!" Sonny misheard. Thus, he spouted "Babies on the Fucking Go." I questioned him to whether it was a punk band-sounding name. In an offhand way, he replied: "It's a calendar." We LMAO'd. We LMAO'd. We couldn't stop laughing. It got funnier when he described one of the calendar pictures: a real life baby mother with curlers in her hair and a robe and slippers with children, which were real children, only scaled down to appear smaller to the mother. The picture was complete with a caption that read: "No, I don't have time to make lunch. I'm late, as is." THE IDEA WAS CLASSIC! *goes into mall* Oh, by the way, it's "Real Sports with Bryant Gumbal." Sonny mentioned something about post-9/11 society. Then the conversation went back to Michael Jackson, and how he wants to be a kid and acts like one, especially when he wants a snowcone. He'll jump up and down, and scream, "Me next, me next! I want one!" In a post-9/11 society, It makes for a good sitcomedy Then Sonny mentioned the new Queen Latifah/Steve Martin flick and suggested we see it when it came out. We talked about Steve Martin and his jokes. Kid with Generic Porn Magazine (Fully-Clothed Woman on the Front): "Dad, what's a rack?" Steve Martin: "A country." Like Zelda II, Steve Martin's jokes are re-hashed. Simply put, the studio had to meet a deadline so they dusted off some shelved 80's movie with a then-unknown Queen Latifah, and sent it into society. Then Sonny talked about radio hosts like Kasey Kassem, John Tesh, and Delilah (some lady that tries to solve everyone's problems.) It was short-lived. Circumvently, we went back to the new/old Steve Martin movie. We talked about the preview that started with the phrase "He had everything going for him..." Every fucking movie ever has that as the opening phrase in the trailer. But Steve Martin's continued with: "until he met his mystery internet date." Then we predicted how Queen Latifah would come to the door, with her "Wazzup, check me out" pose that all black people do. Then, concluding the movie was definitely an 80's movie, we agreed the Internet was superimposed. We talked about this movie forever. We couldn't get this new movie out of our head. We knew for a fact Steve Martin and Queen Latifah would fall in love at the end, but would never actually engage in physical contact except for the final bear hug at the end, complete with Steve Martin's muffled screams and frantic limb movements. The screen would then circle in and zoom, leaving the two of them in a small circle. Then it would close the circle fully. Seconds later, the circle would re-open quickly, just enough time for Steve Martin to say a cute goodbye phrase. Then, as the satisfied movie-goer's song plays, the screen would fade out, and THAT'S when you know your investment in that theatre is through. more will come Basically, this is the end of the story. It has good parts and bad parts. If you don't want to read it, fine. If you do, sweet! If it makes no sense, don't worry. The whole thing is primarily based on inside jokes. If this story is enjoyed, I may do another one. Who knows?
Posted by: Mark Summers	Topics started: 387	Replies posted: 7187
Saturday, February 8th 2003 @ 01:54:54 AM PST
I didnt really read that whole thing, but i remember a story you posted along time ago about some girl and a few dudes and they were in a pizza place or something.... it was more of a play type thing actually, but you should post that again... that was good.. and the full house thing ruled.
Posted by: crippled_children_suck	Topics started: 87	Replies posted: 1542
Saturday, February 8th 2003 @ 04:44:09 AM PST
yea. i woulnd't post the stuff i write on here though
Posted by: da pheesh	Topics started: 198	Replies posted: 7192
Saturday, February 8th 2003 @ 11:28:28 AM PST
hahahaha, a girl, some guys, and a pizza place...are you talking about the ABC show? i dont remember that...remind me, and i'll find it, and i'll post it again and this story isn't supposed to make you laugh...its full of inside jokes, but it gives you insight on how i spend my days, and how big of a dork/jackass i really am
Posted by: Mark Summers	Topics started: 387	Replies posted: 7187

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