Hello loyal punk fans. The date is 5-31-02; the time is 6:25am. I just ground up 6 heaping tablespoons worth of my favorite Trader Joes Coffee and am on my first cup "O" the day. On a normal day I would have 4 to 5 cups in me by the time 8:30am roles around, but today is not like any other day. #1 I am up early today, so more time to guzzle joe and #2 I am writing you all (witch I love doing oh so much) and #3 you will have to wait as the laxative powers that be are beginning to do their thing (you know…the coffee) and #4 After I take a crap we are all going to learn about reading minds and the Warp tour and what the two of these have in common. So y'all just wait here until I return…WOW! That was powerful good!!! I have a friend from Texas who always uses that term "Powerful Good" So I took the liberty of pinching it from them for this edition of the Guttermouth Mindbender. Oh yea, our brand new CD called "GUSTO" is complete. We put the icing on the cake early last week and all our friends and the hard working people at Epitaph have nothing but nice things to say about it, so naturally I am very pleased. I'm sure you will be as well. I swear I'm calling it the "Party Punk album of 2002" and once again all our friends agree, even the one who loosely uses the term "powerful good".
So now it is time to introduce to you, without further adieu The All New Guttermouth Game called…READ MARK'S MIND AND WIN VALUABLE PRIZES AND TICKETS TO THE WARP TOUR SHOWS THAT GUTTERMOUTH IS PLAYING ON. I think the name is quite catchy and really spells it out for slower folks. It is true in the past some people at shows have come up to me and asked for an explanation on just how the contests work. I simply explain this is not merely a contest it is a game of wits and supreme brainpower. I mean hell, not everyone can read a mind, but if you can you will be attending, FREE of charge a ticket for you and a guest to the show of your choice (that we are playing on) The object of this game is to answer the question or statement not as you would, but try and think like Mark and answer like I would. (I'm Mark writing this) I know it will take supreme intellect and El Guapo like skills, but give it a go. And remember to include: your full name, E-mail address, phone #, and what show you want to attend along with you answers to all of this weeks brain power spectacular. Good luck and as usual I hope to meet all the lucky winners just as I did on the Australian Warp Tour.
The 411:
Full Name:
E-mail Address:
Phone Number:
Show Date:
The Questions:
#1 Wow, it looks like the LA Lakers are going to go all the way this year!!
A. Yea that Shaq is playing like a champ and is unstoppable.
B. I knew they had it in em' for a threepete.
C. Who gives a fuck?
D. That certainly would be a life changing, spiritual moment for the masses.
E. Both C and D
#2 Mark's favorite hamburger is...
A. The Big Mac
B. Wendy's hot and juicy
C. In N Out
D. "Tofu" The meat substitute
D. The Whopper
#3 Who does Mark think the Real King of Punk is?
A. Sid from the Pistols
B. Leonard from the Dickies
C. Darby Crash who need no introduction
D. Fletcher from the Wise
E. Adam Ant
#4 The old lady down the street lost her husband and is on a fixed income. The word on the street is that she is so poor that she has been seen eating dog food from a can. Ok, you see the dog food eater leave the bank just after cashing her Social Security check and she drops a $20 dollar bill would Mark...
A. Club her and take the rest
B. Wipe his ass with it then leave it in her mail box
C. Purchase his favorite burger and a 12 pack of Pacifico
D. Tap the nice old lady on the shoulder and return the $20 then try and get close enough to see if her breath really smells like dog food
E. Pick it up and deposit it in his own account because Mark knows that under the Bush administration that Social Security will run out because President Bush spent all of the Social Security money on the Military.
Ok, it's that simple. Answer these questions correctly and you are in The Warp.
I will announce the winners on or around June 14th. In the result of a tie a random drawing will take place. See y'all soon.
Posted by Mark
